Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
