she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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