I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
