I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
