Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
