fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
