everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
