My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
