I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
