Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
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