so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Congratulations! We have a period
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
