I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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