I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
