She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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