Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
