Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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