He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
