You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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