worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
