I accidentally had phone sex last night
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
