Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
