so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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