i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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