I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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