tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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