kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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