you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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