the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
