Don't worry. I has chaperone.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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