I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
