he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
