I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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