The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
