What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
