his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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