thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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