and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
