I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
