who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
