what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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