And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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