life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
