I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
