careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
