Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
