So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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