Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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