btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
