too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
