Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
